Our intended parent Monica and her husband lost their son in a tragic accident at the young age of 21. They were able to retrieve sperm and went on to use and egg donor and gestational surrogate to have their now 2 year old grandson. Here is a synopsis of their story.
Monica’s Q&A:
1. In doing internet research in preparation for this interview, it seems that this began with your son. What can you tell me about him?
My son was serving in the US military. He lost his life at age 21 due to an accident.
2. What can you tell me about the process of retrieving sperm?
It was more than difficult. I had to go through the legal process in an unfamiliar state while my son was on life support, making requests to the nurses, to the chief doctor, and the director of the medical center. Her process of doing so, led to changes in the New York state legislature around the process of post-mortem retrievals. Some of the ability to execute this was based on her son’s decision to be an organ donor because this required the same FDA testing as was needed to use his sperm.
3. How did you arrive at the partnership of an egg donor and a surrogate? Was it difficult to navigate? If so, how?
At first, I tried to use a commercial egg bank. I also wanted to use my colleague as a surrogate. However, neither the egg donor company nor my colleague surrogate worked out. Qualifications to be a gestational surrogate are quite rigorous and many applicants cannot be accepted. Dr. Lane recommended a fertile egg donor whose frozen eggs I purchased from her previous retrieval cycle, and with Dr. Lane’s help and advice, I hired that same egg donor for a cycle dedicated to me. It was also Dr. Lane who connected me with a surrogate agency. The surrogate mom was wonderful. I have had great success with her. She is the one who carried and delivered my baby.
4. Can you tell me about your experience with Dr. Lane?
I will never forget the time when Dr. Lane emailed me over the first weekend, “ We will move on and forward.” Such encouraging words carried me through the long, nervous, and costly journey.
5. What were the most significant challenges along the way?
You pray for more eggs to be retrieved. You pray for more vital and healthy embryos to be created. You pray that your surrogate mom will be healthy and carry through the pregnancy uneventfully. The cost, in my case, was a challenge because I failed so many times and had to go through so many cycles. Post-mortem donor sperm is not always as successful immediately as sperm produced from a living patient.
6. What advice would you give others who are expecting a child through egg donation and surrogacy?
Listen and take Dr. Lane’s (or your provider’s) advice. Don’t spend time looking through the profiles of non-cleared egg donors. It doesn’t mean anything if that woman is not fertile. I would go with a woman who has previously retrieved an abundant number of eggs.
7. How is your grandchild doing?
He is two now. He is my life, my hope, and the reason I am still alive. He is happy and healthy.